Let’s Stop Saying “Conflict Management”

“Managing” seems like such an antiquated term. Isn't the idea to hire capable and trustworthy people to do a job you need them to do? One that you can't do yourself?

I'll say it again that management sounds like something you are forced to do against your will and you are only doing it because your role says you have to.

It's why I want the term “conflict management” to die. We might as well be saying, “I have to deal with problems so that they will go away and I'd rather poke my eyes out.”

I'm a proponent of shifting our vocabulary away from things that don't do anything to motivate us to words and phrases that do.

Think about the sentence, “I have to check with my manager.” Sort of makes you feel small, no? Consciously or subconsciously? Even “colleague” is an improvement. Or, “someone with different knowledge than me.”

If we are using the term manager as a way to show seniority or hierarchy, we are using it for the wrong reasons. If we are using it to show power, we are using it for the wrong reasons. Also, that manager is a person. With a name, yes?

How about, “Let me connect with my colleague Maria to see what we think is best to do next...”

Look! We are collaborating! With our talents! It's making me use a lot of exclamation points.

Now, what if we did this with conflict?

We can be prepared to approach conflict with words and phrases that motivate. “Maria, I know that we were having a hard time coming to an agreement about how to roll out this policy. I'd like to solve for that.” Much different than spinning in your own mind only saying to yourself, “Ugh! I have to deal with this conflict I have with my manager, Maria!”

Colleague. Solve for it.